Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Confession

"When everything seems to be going against you, just remember that the aeroplane takes off against the wind, not with it."
- Henry Ford

The human lies in deep sodden grass and mud, unmoving. A storm is raging as the wind hails and the rain pours down. The world is bleak and unknowing; full of abandonment. A tempest of fate pulling the human down. The weight of the elements too much for the weak person.

There is no hope in trying when there is no hope in yourself.

The human is pain. They are emptiness and suffering. They lie alone with only their own thoughts as company. But their thoughts are insanity. Driving them to the point of this desolation and remote abandonment.

If only there was hope.

If only there was something to pull the human back up.

But mistakes and regret have led the human here. The pure lack of courage in the required situations have caused this agony. The thoughts left alone inside the humans head. They never stop thinking. Their brain ticking over. What if? Why? How? Why was it like this? Could I have changed one thing? Just one?! Yes. But I didn't. I've failed. This is the end.

The mud blocks out the human's view of the sky and world. They lie in this pool of misery, drowning in their sorrow and regret. They cannot see and all they can hear is the howling wind which seems to be screaming at the human in anger. But it is the human's anger that screams at them. Anger fuelled by their mistakes and regret over what they did not do.

This is the end.

Maybe if a bird were to sing or the sun were to shine through. Maybe if the rain were to wash off the mud and then subside. Maybe if things were better the human would feel less suffering and agony. If things were to be right. If things were to improve. If things were better, the human would survive.

*There is a chance in everyone. And there are chances and opportunities we encounter. As people we decide the fate of these chances and opportunities and as humans we have the ability to shape our future into the mould we want. As people it is our right and our duty to ensure we live how we wish, how we want. Material things fuel only our shallow beliefs about what life is, but no matter what scenario any person can dream themselves in, they will always be in control of the key choices they make. Right choices affect them positively  while negative and poor ones have a bad effect. Regret is one outcome that returns over and over to haunt you. It never leaves, and there is always that 'what if?' thought. Especially when it is regarding something close to you. But instead of asking why things didn't work out, ask why you are letting yourself regret. Ask why you are letting yourself regret like this. Ask why you feel like this to begin with. If regret is that bad, don't let yourself get into situations and make decisions that lead to regret. Make the right ones. Even if they backfire, there is no regret in knowing you made a decision to benefit yourself longterm. And what's more, you don't have to regret as there is always something you can do. Go out and scream at the top of your voice. Go out and get what you want. Make it happen and force yourself into the world.*

The human feels a pang of light. The epiphany has brought upon them a sudden realisation. They must always focus on never letting themselves make a decision they know will lead them to regret. They must stand up and make the decision that, no matter how scary or intimidating, will leave them with fulfilment.

The human realises they must act fast. They must move quickly to remedy their mistakes. It means so much to them. They are in the mud and grass and storm due to it. And they must remedy it. They must fix it. They must stand up against their fears and rejections. They must do what they naturally feel inclined to otherwise this regret will be with them forever. For the rest of their life. They must act.

The human finds the strength to raise a hand and wipe off the mud that coats their face. The mud is thick and heavy and they struggle to wipe it all away. They open their eyes and witness the dark sky above and the pouring rain.

The human tries to sit up but the mud and water weighs them down. It would be so much easier to lie back down and rest. But why rest in mud and hell when they can rest in sunlight and their own happiness?

The human struggles but forces themselves up. They are naked, coated head to toe in mud and filth. The rain that beats down does nothing to help clean them and instead only muddies them more.

But the human fights on. They must escape the field. It's a dangerous fight that must be won. It must. Be. Won.

The human stumbles forward through the tall grass that reaches up as far as their chest. Moving is hard. The human trips over a hole in the ground. The turf is lumpy and full of cracks and gaps that will try to slow the human's movement down even more.

But they fight on. Moving through the sodden field they see a small gate in the distance. They must reach it to escape. The journey will not end there, but things get better. Improvements will be made.

They move forth, pressing on, asserting as much energy as they can to the task, ignoring the potholes and uneven ground that tries to bring them down. As they get closer to the gate the rain begins to subside. It begins to fade out. Is the storm finally ending?

The rain comes to a halt and the terrain begins to even out. They are getting nearer and nearer to the gate. This is their chance. They can see this through.

On the other side of the gate the field continues. There is no fence and the gate appears to serve no material purpose. In fact, its existence does not benefit the field in the least. But the human approaches the gate. Exhausted they try to open it but it is stuck. They need to fight harder. They must succeed.

The human yanks and pulls the gate with all their might. It won't open. Suddenly the human realises there is a sign reading 'Push' that is stuck on the gate. They sigh, push the gate and it opens smoothly.

The human ambles through and immediately the grey sky begins to drift away only to be replaced by a clear blue one. The grass on this side of the gate is shorter too and the ground is flat and even. There are birds singing and a slight wind is blowing. The mud that coated the human begins to slide away, as if slipping cleanly from them and leaving no trace it was ever there. The mud completely disappeared and suddenly the human's free.

They stand in the field, admiring the sky and birds and the flowers that have popped up through the trimmed grass. This is what they were fighting for. This is what they needed. The regret and hell was only brought upon themselves by themselves and there was always a way out. They needed this. They needed to succeed. No one else could help. It was them. Always them. And the courage they sought was always going to be found within themselves.

"Have great hopes and dare to go all out for them. Have great dreams and dare to live them. Have tremendous expectations and believe in them."
- Norman Vincent Peale

"The best way to get rid of the pain is to feel the pain. And when you feel the pain and go beyond it, you'll see there's a very intense love that is wanting to awaken itself."
- Deepak Chopra

"To have darkness behind me, in front of my a bright sky, flickering lights on the water and to feel it on the stony face of the southern sun."
- Julia Hartwig

This has been a confession.

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